


Miss Stevens

by ellerabe



Category: Miss Stevens (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Genderswap, Lesbian, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellerabe/pseuds/ellerabe
Summary: Billie is gender bent and played by a young Sarah Paulson. If you haven't seen the movie I suggest you don't read there will be spoilers.





	1. The Car Ride

Billie sat shotgun, while Margot and Sam sat in the back. As Rachel drove, she began to grow even more nervous about taking the trip than she was before. She wasn't good with people, and she wasn't good with kids outside of a classroom setting, so she knew this was not going to be easy on her.

She tried to stay to herself, not talking, just listening to the music that played. When she glanced over at Billie, she held a small smile on her lips, seeing the girl lightly bobbing her head to the music.

She glanced down to see the check engine light was on, but it was nothing new to her. The car was nearly as old as her, and it had its problems, but she still loved it, after all, it was her mother's before it was hers.

But then, Billie pointed it out to her. "What's that light?"

Rachel was pulled from her train of thoughts when she heard the girl's voice. "That?" she asked. "That thing's been on forever."

"W-wait, your warning light is on?" Margot asked with a deeply concerned expression.

"It's nothing." Rachel said simply, hoping the kids would leave it at that.

"Well, if it were nothing it wouldn't be on," Margot said.

Rachel took in a small breath, trying to keep her composer. "It-it's a really old car, it kind of just... does things sometimes." 

"It just... does things sometimes?" Margot asked in a mocking tone.

"Do you want is to stop and deal with it even though we're already running late?" Billie asked, wishing she had never brought up the light in the first place.

Billie glanced back at Margot, who just sat back in her seat as she rolled her eyes.

Rachel looked from Billie to the rearview mirror to see that Margot gave up on the situation. She was thankful that someone said something other than herself.  

"Well, on behave of everyone here, I would just like to say how grateful we are that you're taking us to competition," Margot said, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, since the school cut our arts program, it's important to get exposure wherever we can." 

Rachel glanced at Margot through the rearview mirror again, smiling this time as she did.

"Yeah, seriously," Sam added.

And then, the car grew silent. Miles passed on before Rachel had to stop to get gas. She let everyone out of the car, doing whatever they needed, and get snacks if they wanted. As she pumped the gas, she looked around the parking lot, only to spot Billie sitting on top of a car just a few yards away from her. Her dark, chestnut hair blew with the wind as she smoked a cigarette, staring off into nothingness. 

The click of the gas stopping pulled her from her thoughts, and she yelled for Billie to come back. Soon enough, they were back on the road and running through their monologues for the competition.  

As Sam practiced his lines, there came a thud, and the car started driving unevenly.

"What was that?!" Margot yelled.

"Shit..." Rachel mumbled under her breath. She then covered her mouth, remembering that she was in a car full of her students. "Oh, shit. Sorry."

"No, seriously. What was that?" Sam asked.

"I think it was the tire." Rachel said, trying to remain calm.

"Oh, my God!" Margot exclaimed.

"Fuck! Sorry. Shit." Rachel covered her mouth again.

Although Rachel seemed embarrassed with herself by cursing in front of them, Billie was taking joy, and trying to hold back her smile.

"Oh, my God!" Margot repeated.

"Sorry, sorry." Rachel continued to say as she pulled off the road, and into the shoulder lane. She turned to look at Sam in the back, sighing softly. "Sam, I'm really sorry. Your monologue was great." 

"It's Christopher Durang, right?" Billie asked Sam.

Sam smiled, "I didn't think you knew who Christopher—"

Margot cut the other two teens off by yelling: "Guys! We're sitting on the side of the road.

"Right..." Rachel sighed.

"It was a warning light, wasn't it?" she asked.

"It wasn't a warning light, Margot," Billie said. 

"Oh, Jesus!" Margot yelled back.

"You guys, please." Rachel sighed as she looked at them. "Guys, please, please. Come on, stop."

"You are driving other people's children in an unfit automobile," Margot said as she looked at Miss Stevens in disbelief. 

"I'm sorry. I'm really embarrassed." Rachel said.

"Why are you embarrassed?" Billie asked.

"Because I am the asshole who ignores a big, flashing orange light." Rachel shot back.

"You curse a lot," Sam commented. 

"I know..." Rachel said as she looked down.

"When we're at school—" Billie started, but was soon cut off.

"It's just a switch." The teacher said.

"Why isn't the switch on now?" Billie asked.

"B-because we-we're not at school." Rachel said, hoping it was a good enough excuse.

"But, like, we are?" Margot said.

Rachel looked back down at her lap as she sighed again, unsure of what to say at this point. Finally, she nodded, "Right... okay." and got out of the car. 

She saw that the tire was indeed flat and pulled her phone from her pocket to call a tow. She rested against the back of the car as she waited, sighing as she tried not to think of how embarrassed she was in the moment. 

After the tow arrived and put a spare tire on, they were back on the road. 

Rachel was thankful it was all done in a manageable time, knowing that they were already running behind. She tried to relax as she turned the radio back on. She mouthed the words of the song as her thumb lightly tapped the beat against the steering wheel.

"All your music is like... old," Margot commented from the back. 

"Oh, I-I'm sorry..." Rachel said as she reached for the dial. "I'll change the station."

"No!" Billie said as she reached for her teacher's hand, pulling it away. "I love this song."

"How do you know this song?" Rachel asked, slightly taken aback that the teen knew it.

Billie shrugged. "My dad—"

"Exactly!" Margot said before the other girl could finish her answer. "This is dad music."

"Yeah," Rachel said. "And old lady teacher music."

Billie chuckled softly.

"You are not old," Sam said.

"No, I am old."

"You like America?" Billie asked, completely changing the subject.

"Well—" before Rachel could give her whole reply, Margot interrupted her again.

"America?"

"The band. This band. America," Billie explained.

"It's just called America?"

"Yup," The brunette teen girl nodded.

"And that's it?"

"That's it."

Sam started dancing in his seat. "I don't know, Margot. I like what it's doing to me."

The girl just rolled her eyes at him before blurting out: "Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Sam thinks you're twenty-six, but I think you're older. Not cause you look older, but you just seem older. My older sister—"

Before Margot could ramble on anymore, Rachel answered. "Twenty-nine."

"Best part," Billie said before turning up the volume of the music. She meant what she said, but she just wanted Margot to shut up.

For the rest of the ride to the hotel, it was mainly silent besides the music, which Billie gladly sang along to when she knew the words. Every so often, Rachel would join in, smiling at how at ease she felt finally.


	2. Dinner

Later that night, after arriving at the hotel, they went to the hotel's dining room for dinner. Rachel was on her second glass of wine when the waiter came back around.

"Can I get you another glass?" he asked.

"Uh... sure. Thank you." She said with a smile on her face.

"Another vino for the lady, coming right up." He said before walking away.

"So, what was your favorite part?" Sam asked, continuing with their conversation of Miss Stevens' past in the arts.

"Oh, gosh. Um..." she had to think for a moment. "We did _The Glass Menagerie_. I loved that play."

"And who were you?" the boy asked.

"I was Tom. I ended up playing boys a lot." Rachel explained to them.

"Why?" Margot asked.

"I don't know. I... I was tall. I don't really have hips." Before she could explain further, the waiter came back with the glass of wine.

"Here you go."

"Thank you." She smiled at him.

As he made a comment about the vino, she didn't even pay attention to him but nodded in response. As he walked away, Margot started to go onto another subject, but Rachel was stuck on her favorite part—the question Sam had asked her—and she smiled to herself.

"Oh," she said before biting her lip at the memory. "Man. There was this— There was this one time..." she shook her head as she held the same wide smile on her lips.

Billie had grown interested in knowing why her teacher smiled so happily, so giddy over the story. "What?" she asked with a small smile of her own.

"Gosh, I haven't thought about this in years." Rachel chuckled. "We were doing _Take of the Shrew_ , and I played Petruchio. And in the last scene, on the last night—"

Margot interrupted to explain for their teacher. "Petruchio is the main character."

"Right, sorry." Rachel said. "But— Petruchio is this guy who's in love with this girl... Kate. And in the last scene, the girl playing Kate, this girl... Gillian... she kisses me."

Billie looked at her teacher with wide eyes, while Sam nearly spat out his water as he put the glass down on the table.

"We'd been doing it with this— This stupid hug." Rachel continued to explain. "Because it was _that_ kind of school. So, I go in for this stupid hug and she just— Turns her head and... and kisses me. Really kisses me."

Billie smiled at the image that formed in her head as her teacher explained the scene; Miss Stevens kissing another girl. She thought, _God, I would do anything to see that._

"And I remember thinking, why didn't we do this in the first place? These two people are supposed to be in love! Then, I realized that all my teachers, my mother, and my grandmother... and, uh, the boy I liked, Thomas... O'Toole, are all out there watching me make out with Gillian Cooke."

Sam let out a small laugh as he smiled. "God! That's crazy."

"What happened?" Margot asked.

"We had to go to the principal's office." Rachel said.

"But didn't you tell them it was her fault?"

The teacher simply shook her head, "No."

"Why not?" Margot asked.

"I don't know. It didn't feel like it was her fault."

Billie bit her lip to hide the smirk that was forming on her lips.

"I totally get it," Sam said.

"And if we— One of us had actually been a boy, we wouldn't have got into... trouble at all." Rachel said with a wave of her hand and drank nearly the rest of her wine.

"They wouldn't have cared. They would have clapped about it." Sam said.

"I never did another play." Rachel said softly.

"Still good on the wine?" the waiter asked as he came back over.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Rachel laughed. She was already tipsy, but she didn't want to make it apparent to anyone. "Yeah. No, I'm good. Thank you." She finally said. "No more..." she said to herself.

Margot asked for the bill, which was split into four ways, leaving everyone to pay for themselves. Soon after, they left to head to the introductory of the competition.

At the introductory, Sam and Margot sat next to each other in front of Rachel and Billie. As the director talked on stage, Rachel looked at him with a slightly confused face.

"He's a big guy," Billie whispered to her teacher. "The director. He also directs teen soaps." She explained.

Rachel nodded, "Thank you."

Billie nodded with a smile on her lips before returning her attention to the man on stage.

"Everyone, quick, close your eyes. Imagine everyone breathing together. Breathing as one."

As Rachel closed her eyes, she let out a sigh. She remembered when she took classes like this, and how boring she thought they were. As everyone in the room exhaled, she bit her lip and opened her eyes back up. She looked to Billie, seeing that her eyes were closed and that she was breathing along with everyone else. Throughout the trip so far, something was off about Billie. She didn't know the girl that well, but she could tell either something was bothering her, or something just wasn't right. She wanted to know, but also knew that it wasn't her place to ask.

The introductory didn't last that long since the comity who was holding the competition was holding a party for all the students and the teachers or parents who brought them. Billie headed to her room with Margot, while Sam went to his, leaving Rachel on her own.

She went to her room, wondering if she should change, or stay in the same dress she had on. It wasn't elegant or anything of the sorts, but it was nice and casual. She sat down on her bed, looking out at the balcony, where she had a great view of the desert and the sky. Part of her wondered if she should go to the party, it wasn't like she would know anyone there besides her students, yet she thought, maybe it would be fun.


	3. Dancing

Billie stood against the back wall as she watched people dance and drink. Her eyes wondered over, seeing Miss Stevens dancing by herself. She lightly laughed, seeing that the woman was in her own little world. She watched a man, presumably another teacher, walked up to Miss Stevens.

Billie saw them talking and noticed her teacher was smiling and even laughing. Her hand landed on the man's chest as she laughed.

Billie felt her heart ache at the sight. She didn't want to see Miss Stevens with another person.

She knew that her silly, little crush was nothing to her teacher, but it still hurt her to see the woman who she saw as a goddess with a... _a man_.

Soon, the two walked off, and Billie wanted to scream. She stormed out of the room, and outside. A small huff left her lips as she grabbed a pack of cigarettes from her pocket.

"Fucking idiot..." she mumbled to herself as she lit one.

She sat down on a bench and looked up at the black night sky. She knew that in a way, she was overreacting to the situation, but someone as beautiful and delicate as Miss Stevens deserved so much better than that awful man.

After finishing her smoke, Billie headed back inside, and slowly made her way upstairs to her room. On the way, she stopped at the vending machine to get a bag of Hot Fries and a bottle of Coke. She reached into her pocket for her key, but then realize that it was gone.

"Fuck," she sighed before sliding down the wall.

She opened her bag of chips and began to each while she waited for someone to show up. She heard footsteps and looked over to see Miss Stevens heading her way.

 _She slept with that guy_ , Billie thought to herself before Miss Stevens approached her.

* * *

Rachel made her way to the party, seeing her students were already there. She made her way to the punch bowl and got herself a cup. She took a sip, wondering if someone had spiked it yet, and when she tasted that it hadn't, she was a bit disappointed. She walked onto the dance floor, and once again stayed to herself. She saw Sam talking to a boy, Margot by herself, and Billie across the room leaning against a wall. She saw the girl was staring at her, and she quickly looked away.

Her mind started to drift, and she started dancing to the music. If it hadn't been for the three glasses of wine she had at dinner, she knew she wouldn't even be there.

"I don't want to interrupt." Rachel heard behind her.

She turned, seeing a tall, thin, brown-haired man standing there. "Sorry, what?" she chuckled nervously.

No one ever came up to her. No one ever talked to her first.

"I'm Walter."

"I'm Rachel." She said before extending out her hand to him. After shaking his hand, Rachel let out a sigh. She felt so awkward, so out of her own.

"What do you teach?" Walter asked.

"Hmm?" she asked, not really paying attention to him as she felt anxiety swarming in her chest.

"What is it that you teach?" he repeated.

"I'm an, uh..." Rachel blanked. "I'm an English— I teach— I'm an English— I teach English." She stuttered out. She quickly downed the rest of her punch, wishing that it was more than just that.

"You're really bad at small talk," Walter commented on the obvious.

It made Rachel feel even worse, and she giggled nervously.

"So, so bad." He said with a smile.

"I'm so used to talking at people that I just— I forget hot to, you know..." she stammered again. "Talk with grownups... just so tired at the end of the day." She finally explained. She looked away from Walter as she mentally cursed at herself for making such of fool of herself.

"I think I would forget, too, it weren't for my wife."

 _Wife_ , she thought, _he has a fucking wife_.

She frowned at she turned back to him and imitated an explosion going off.

"Now you're not using words," Walter said with a shake of his head.

"Wife.. you dropped... wife. You said 'wife'. You dropped the 'wife' bomb." Rachel explained.

"Did you think that you were gonna meet a nice, single guy at this thing?" he asked.

 _No_ , she thought.

"Well," she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really see anybody else that I wanna talk to." She smiled up at him.

"So, does that mean you wanna get out of here?" Walter asked.

"Why not?" Rachel shrugged before following him out of the room.

They walked around the corner, away from all the students, and Walter leaned against a wall.

"I bet a lot of your students have a crush on you, huh?" he asked.

Rachel shook her head as she let out a nervous laugh. "I doubt it."

"Every high school English teacher is hot though," Walter said. "I did. I had... ugh! I had the biggest crush on my high school English teacher." He said.

"No." She shook her head again.

"So hot."

"No, there's just— There's no way that every high school English teacher was hot."

Walter nodded.

"Maybe— Maybe one of those teachers actually was really hot." Rachel said as she held up one finger. "The rest— The rest were just... okay, or... or not even at all." She said as she looked down and leaned against the same wall.

"I get it. I get it." He said. "Think about it. You have this woman, this real woman, and she's telling you what to do. Right? And she's inspiring you and exciting you. And think about these guys. All they have on their weekends are these little baby girls to talk to."

Rachel raised her brows as he said this as if he would know what they looked like outside of class.

"But you're a woman."

They both chuckled at this.

"You're a goddamn woman. And you're standing out there, in front of all their pimples, and all their boners and you're talking about... sex." He continued on.

 _God, what am I doing?_ Rachel asked herself.

"I mean, you're talking in similes or metaphors, but really... really... it's just sex."

 _Is he trying to turn me on?_ She wondered. _It's not really working._

"Do uh, do you want to head upstairs?" Walter asked.

 _Do I?_ She asked herself.

Yet, even though she wasn't sure, she nodded.

* * *

 

Rachel walked back to her room with her shoes in hand.

_God, why did I do that? I didn't even get to cum... I feel so bad for his wife. I could have done better with myself._

As she continued to walk, she passed two teenagers in the hallway kissing.

_I bet they'll have a better time._

Then, she looked forward and saw Billie sitting on the floor between her room and theirs. Rachel walked closer to the girl, biting her lips before speaking.

"Uh... is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Billie said softly.

"What are you— What are you—"

"I forgot my key inside," Billie explained.

"Oh... doesn't Margot have one?" Rachel asked.

"She's still downstairs."

"Oh." She nodded as she started fixing the buttons on her shirt.

"Kind of met someone... I think." Billie said with a fake smile as she looked down.

"You know, you can get one from the front desk." Rachel said.

"Oh, my God," Billie said. _I'm such a fucking idiot_ , she thought. "Duh," she chuckled.

Rachel looked down the hall for a moment, she didn't know what to really say. "Okay, goodnight." She finally muttered before turning to her room.

"Okay, goodnight," Billie said back, frowning as her teacher turned away.


	4. Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Semi self-hatred, body image issues.

Rachel walked into her room and let out a heavy sigh as she closed the door. She tossed her shoes to the floor before pealing her clothes off. She left them in a pile on the floor before making her way to the bathroom to take a shower, she wanted to wash herself of Walter.

As she stood under the hot water, she still couldn't believe she slept with him, but part of her could. It had been such a long time since anyone had taken an interest in her, but the feeling that an empty fuck left her hurt worse than before.

She washed between her thighs more than once before stepping out of the shower. She threw her hair up in a bun as she pulled on a white t-shirt and a pair of blue panties. She looked at herself in the mirror and didn't understand how Walter even looked at her. She shook her head as she walked out of the bathroom, and over to the mini-fridge that was in her room. She saw it was stocked up with mini alcohols, and a small smile spread across her lips as she grabbed a bottle of vodka.

Rachel sat on the bed as she looked around the room. She had work that she needed to look at before Monday came, and she knew she would have to do it over the trip. She grabbed her teacher's workbook from her bag and flipped through it before finding the right page. She grabbed her glasses from her purse before looking it over.

_Pride and Prejudice. I hate this book_ , Rachel thought.

She took the book to the bathroom to read it over, and watch herself in the mirror, something she did more often than she would like to admit.

After almost forty-five minutes, Rachel gave up with herself, she was bored, tired and restless. She had finished two more mini bottles of vodka. She was on her third as she turned on the TV. She flipped through channels, finally settling on some random black and white movie.

For a while, she enjoyed the movie, but once it was over, she found that she was bored again.

She stood from the bed to find something warmer to wear and settled on a pair of leggings and a cardigan with a pair of socks. As she laid down on the bed again, she grabbed her phone. She saw the date, nearly a year had passed since her mother had died, and just that brought more sad and depressing thoughts to her mind. She clicked on her messages, and onto the ones that were between her and her mother before reading them. She hated that she kept them, but at the same time, she was glad she did.

A single tear ran down her cheek as a weak smile formed on her lips. She remembered back to the night when she saw the play that she had planned on taking her mother to before she died, and the overwhelming feeling of grief filled her once again.

She sniffled back her emotions before putting her phone to sleep and took off her glasses to go to sleep, or at least try to.


	5. The Walk

Rachel left the hotel to go outside to her car. She needed to take it to the nearest auto shop to get a new tire put on. Just as she reached her car, she heard behind her: "Hey, Miss Stevens," and turned to see Billie walking her way.

"I-I'm just going to get a tire. Did you get my note?" she asked. "I left notes under your doors."

"Can I come?" the girl asked.

"Um... where are Margot and Sam?"

"Rehearsal."

"Don't you need to be in there?" Rachel asked.

"It's afternoon. They wanted more time." Billie explained. "Nervous, I guess." She said with a shrug.

"You're not nervous?"

"I mean, I get nervous sometimes." She shrugged.

"When?" Rachel asked. "Standing on a stage in front of—"

"I'll let you know," Billie said with a smile.

"Okay." Rachel said, unsure of what else to say.

"Okay?" Billie asked. "So, can I come?" she asked again.

Rachel thought for a moment. She didn't see any harm in it, but she also knew she probably shouldn't take her student with her. Yet, she said yes, and they both got into the car.

The ride was silent beside the radio playing until Billie said: "You don't even listen to other stations."

Rachel shook her head. "I love this one."

"Why?"

"I listened to it growing up." The teacher explained.

"You grew up here?" Billie asked as she looked over at Rachel.

"In California? Yeah."

"Are your mom and dad still here?"

Just at the mention of Rachel's mother, she felt a pang in her heart. "What is this? Twenty Questions?" she asked almost too quickly.

"Sorry," Billie mumbled.

 _Was that too harsh?_ Rachel asked herself.

"Margot's convinced you're a lesbian," Billie said.

 _Fuck... I say too much_ , Billie thought.

Rachel quickly looked at the girl, eyes wide with shock. "Excuse me?"

 _Why did I say that?!_ Billie screamed inside of her head.

"Sorry. That was inappropriate." She said before looking away.

Rachel looks away from the teenager to the light, seeing that it was still red.

"But you're... you're not... right?" Billie asked.

Rachel looked down for a moment as she tried to think of what to say. "That is also inappropriate."

"Sorry." Billie sighed.

Rachel turned up the volume to the radio as she looked back to the road.

Soon, they made it to the car shop, and Rachel talked to the mechanic.

"It's going to be a while. I've got a couple of jobs in front of you." He explained.

"How long?" Rachel asked.

"About an hour."

The teacher looked down at her watch and nodded. "Okay. That's fine. That's fine, right?" she asked as she looked to Billie.

"I'm hungry."

Rachel sighed. "You're the one who wanted to come."

"There's a diner about a mile away." The mechanic said. "You guys can cut through 'round back."

Rachel shook her head, "No, that's okay."

"Best burgers in town." The man said.

Billie looked at her teacher with a smile. "Please?"

"Fine," she sighed.

Silently, they walked down the back road to the diner. Rachel picked a flower not far into the walk and start picking the petals apart to keep herself occupied. She felt extremely awkward being alone with her student.

"So, what made Margot think that I was—"

"That story you told. About the girl kissing you." Billie said. "She just got it into her head that, cause you didn't rat the other girl out, you must be a lesbian." She explained.

 _Please be a lesbian_ , Billie wished.

Rachel looked at the teen with a shocked expression. "Oh," she chuckled.

"I told her that's not what you meant," Billie said.

"Ugh," Rachel shook her head. "What did I mean?"

"Is that a teacher question?"

"No." Rachel said quickly. "No. You think you know what I meant. Tell me."

Billie chuckled nervously.

Rachel walked closer to the girl. "Tell me."

Billie started growing nervous and leaned down to grab a stick, hoping to distract herself from her feelings and thoughts. "Y-y-yeah..." she stuttered. "You felt like she was doing the right thing... kissing you."

Rachel started walking against as she thought of what to say back to that. She threw the shredded petals onto the ground as she sighed and brought her hands up to smell the floral scent. She crossed her arms as she thought. _How am I supposed to explain this without saying it's half true?_

"I'm not... a lesbian." She finally said as she looked at the girl. "Not that there is anything wrong with that."

Billie nodded slowly. "Sam's gay."

"I know."

"He came out to me last year. It's pretty cool."

"It's cool." Rachel agreed. 

"He has a lot of friends." Billie chuckled nervously.

"He's easy to be around."

"I don't really have a lot of friends..."

"I don't either," Rachel admitted.

"You don't?" _How is that?_ Billie wondered.

"Mhm..." Rachel nodded. "I'm... tough." _That's a lie_ , she thought before laughing softly.

"Me, too. Uh..." Billie looked down at the ground as she thought for a moment. _Should I tell her?_ "I'm gay..."

"That's okay."

"I haven't told anyone."

"Not even Sam? I know you two are close." Rachel asked.

"Not even Sam," Billie said softly, almost whispering.

"It's okay, you know? If it helps any... I'm bisexual."

"You are?" Billie asked almost too fast. Her eyes looked back to her teacher.

"Yes, but please don't tell Margot. I don't want her thinking she was right."

"I won't. I promise."

"I won't tell anyone either."

"Thank you, Miss Stevens," Billie said with a small smile.

"You're welcome." Rachel said with the same small smile.


	6. Walter

Rachel sat at a booth with her students at the hotel's dining hall again. They had just received their drinks, and we're waiting for the waiter to come back to take their order.

"I'm really sorry I missed your monologues today. But I'm really proud of you guys for moving on." Margot said with a smile.

"Thanks, Margot." Same said.

"Yeah, thanks," Billie said.

"I can't wait to see them tomorrow," Margot said enthusiastically.

"Speaking of which, I am so nervous!" Sam said. "Are you?" he asked Billie.

"I get nervous sometimes," Billie said before looking to her teacher. "Remember?" she asked.

Rachel had to think for a moment before nodding. "Oh, right. Yeah. Sometimes."

Billie smiled.

"Sorry for the wait." Their waiter said as he approached the table. He was the same one from the night before. He looked at Rachel with a smile. "Another one? Yes?"

Rachel pointed to her wine with a questionable look, and he nodded. "Oh, uh, no. No, thank you."

"Can I get another Diet Coke?" Margot asked.

"Coming right up." He said before smiling to Rachel and walking away.

"You should totally give him your number," Margot said with a smile.

 _Gross_ , Rachel thought.

 _Please, don't_ , Billie thought.

"Excuse me?" She asked her student.

"He's been flirting with you."

"N-no, n-no. H-he has not been." Rachel said as she shook her head. "And even if he has been, that's not a reason to give your telephone number to a stranger."

 _Thank God_ , Billie thought.

"Unless he's cute," Sam said.

"No, that is— That is not a—" Rachel started to say until she was cut off by Margot.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" the blonde teen asked.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"So that's a no?" she asked with a smile.

 _What... the... fuck?_ Billie asked herself.

"Margot." The teacher scolded.

"What?"

"Seriously?"

"Leave Rachel alone." Billie quickly said.

Rachel's eyes widened when she heard her first name out of the girl's mouth. " _Rachel_?"

"Wow..." Sam said.

"What?" Billie asked.

"Wh-why did you call me that?"

"Feels weird to call you Miss Stevens," Billie said.

"Well, it shouldn't. It shouldn't feel weird." She said firmly.

"We've been spending so much time together."

"As Miss Stevens."

Billie sat back, sighing to herself as she crossed her arms. _You fucked it all up. You fucked up so bad._

 _Oh, my God..._ Rachel wondered what was going on. She looked up to see Margot and Sam on their phones. "Phones," she warned.

"What?" Margot asked.

"Phones. On the table." She said firmly.

 _Fuck, she's pissed._ Billie thought.

"People don't like it when you're having more than one conversation." She continued.

"I'm sorry..." Margot said as she looked down.

Rachel thought for a moment as she took a deep breath. _I'm being too harsh. I need to take a breather and be alone._ She grabbed the envelope where the money for food and snacks was for the trip.

 _What is she doing?_ Billie asked herself.

"I'm gonna take a break." Rachel said honestly. "I will see you guys later." She added before grabbing her purse and getting up from the booth.

 _Fuck..._ Billie thought as she watched her teacher walk away.

Rachel walked to the elevator. She was thankful that on her way up to her room, she was alone. She leaned against the wall, shaking her head as she crossed her arms. She wondered if she had gone too far with some of the things she had said to Billie, but another part of her knew she hadn't.

Once she reached her room, she tossed her jacket to her suitcase and placed her purse on the dresser. She sat down on the bed, looking out at the view over the balcony. _It's beautiful,_ she thought.

_When and where did she get the idea that it was okay to call me "Rachel"? We haven't even been spending that much time together..._

The more and more she thought, the worse her thoughts got. She sighed to herself, trying to think of a way to make herself feel better. Before she realized it, she was at Walter's door. She questioned herself, _why am I here?_ Before she had time to think or answer herself, her hand raised up, knocking on the door.

Slowly, it opened, and Walter appeared.

Rachel walked in without even asking or being invited in. She could hear moaning from inside the room, dramatic and overzealous moans. She knew it was obviously a porno or a movie. As she passed the TV, she saw that indeed it was a porno.

"Where are your kids?" she asked before moving toward the couch.

"They're in their rooms," Walter answered.

"I guess I know what kind of teacher you are now, don't I?" she asked as she sat down on the couch, glancing at the TV. She let out a chuckle at her own words.

"Hey, look, um..." Walter started with.

"Ugh!" Rachel groaned, she knew where he was headed with it.

"Last night was, um... I'm married, so..." he trailed off awkwardly.

"So now you're married?" Rachel asked.

Another loud, dramatic moan came from the TV, and she was growing annoyed with it. She never understood why anyone would watch such a thing. She got up and grabbed the remote. "Sorry I, I..." she turned off the TV before looking at Walter again.

"You knew I was married."

"Right. But now it matters?" she asked.

Walter rolled his eyes. "Look, um, the thing is, uh... all I really want is to finish my mini Jack Daniels and maybe this $14 movie. And then tomorrow, I'm gonna go home and get in bed with my wife."

Rachel smiled at him sarcastically before shaking her head. She walked toward the door and stopped for a moment to look at him. _Why am I still here?_ With that, she left, letting the door slam behind her.


	7. The Balcony

Rachel stood on her balcony, thinking of what she had just came back from... Walter's room, where she realized just how lonely she truly was. A tear escaped her ocean blue hues. She heard a knock at her door. She wiped her tears before stepping inside.

"Uh, hang on."

She started quickly cleaning up her room in case it was any of her students. Her clothes that were on the bed went into her suitcase. Her shoes that were left out were placed neatly next to the dresser. She downed the last bit of her vodka from its bottle before tossing it. She looked around the hotel room, spotting the various liquor bottles around the room that she needed to depose of.

Another knock came.

"Just a sec. Sorry." Rachel yelled.

When she finally made her way door, she was taken aback when she was Billie was in the hallway. She tried her best to smile at the girl as she opened the door further.

She leaned against it, saying: "Hi."

"I'm sorry, Miss Stevens." The girl said.

"It's been a weird couple of days." Rachel said before looking down, smiling bittersweetly.

"Are you okay?" Billie asked.

"What?" The question took Rachel by surprise. It wasn't something she heard that often anymore.

"I don't know. You..."

Rachel crossed her arms, "No, I'm..."

"You seem like... you're not okay."

The teacher looked away. "I'm fine."

"I brought you something," Billie said, hoping that a change in the subject would cheer Miss Stevens up. She held up a bag of Hot Fries while a smile formed on her lips.

She handed them over, and Rachel just stared at the bag of chips.

"'Cause you missed dinner."

Rachel took the bag with a small smile.

"Thought you might be hungry."

"Thank you." Rachel thought for a moment, awkwardly looking at the girl before her. "You should go back to your room."

"Okay," Billie shrugged.

"Okay," Rachel smiled before turning to go back to her room.

Before she could close the door, Billie made a sound, "What?" following it, and she turned back to her student. Billie was staring at her hand. "What? My hand... Miss Stevens, I can't..." she said as she grabbed her wrist.

"Billie—"

"I can't— I feel an urge to knock on the people's doors."

_You've got to be joking,_ Rachel thought to herself. "Billie. Enough, Billie." She started running after the girl. "Billie! Billie!" she whisper-yelled. "Go back to your room."

Billie started jumped off the walls, literally. She laughed and smiled as she turned back around.

"People are trying to sleep, Billie!" Rachel said in a harsh tone.

"You're right. We shouldn't be in the hallway." Billie said. "We should probably go inside."

"Billie! No—" Rachel stopped talking as the girl walked into her room. "Ugh, Billie..." she groaned. She quickly shut the door behind herself, hoping that her student would stay in the room.

Billie ran over to the bed, getting on top of it, and started jumping up and down.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked, slightly annoyed by now.

Billie said nothing as she continued to jump up and down.

"Why are you doing this, Billie?"

"You love asking that question." The teen said.

_What the fuck has gotten into her?_ Rachel asked herself. "Excuse me?"

"I'm just jumping on the bed," Billie said. "Don't be sad." She said with a smile as she started making funny faces. "Don't be sad! Don't be sad!"

"I'm not." Rachel said.

"Don't be sad."

"I'm not. Billie, I'm not." Rachel shot back. _Doesn't she get it?_

"Don't be sad. Don't be sad." Billie continues to chant and jump.

"I'm not. I'm not!" the teacher said as she climbed onto the bed. "I'm not."

For a moment, they both stood still, staring into each other's eyes. There was something there, they both felt it, but wouldn't dare admit it.

Billie started bouncing on the bed once again, and Rachel gave in, bouncing with her. Soon they both started jumping, and a smile spread across the teacher's lips. They both started laughing, finding themselves in a fit of laughter as the tension between them faded.

_Maybe she was right..._ Rachel thought.

_She's smiling!_ Billie yelled inside her head, feeling proud of herself. "Yeah! That's a good jump!"

Rachel just continued to laugh as they jumped higher.

"Excuse me, excuse me," Billie said as her teacher collapsed to the bed.

They started chasing each other around the bed. After a few times around, Billie noticed the view Miss Stevens had, and she ran outside. They both rested against the balcony's ledge as they panted for their breath.

Rachel looked over at Billie, smiling softly. _She helped me feel better._ "It's quite cold out here." She said instead of saying anything else, like thank you.

"Here, take my jacket," Billie said as she took it off.

"No."

"Why?"

"No," Rachel repeated herself, but Billie threw her jacket over the woman's shoulders. And despite her words, Rachel pulled the jacket on, feeling the warmth instantly.

Again, they rested against the balcony, staring at each other. The conversation from dinner came into the girl's mind.

"So... do you have a boyfriend, or...?"

Rachel bit her lip. _Why is she asking me this?_ "No." She said as she shook her head. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"What about a girlfriend?" Billie asked.

"No." She said again, shaking her head.

"You ever had your heart broken?" Billie asked.

_That's a weird question_ , Rachel thought. She looked to Billie for a moment, and then out over the balcony as she nodded. "Yeah."

"By who?" the girl asked.

"When my mom died." Rachel said. She felt sadness overcoming her again. "You thought I was gonna tell you a story about... some horrible guy who's ruined... men for me forever?"

Billie just stared at her teacher. "When?"

"A year ago." She said in a sad tone.

Billie shifted so she was facing her teacher. "Tell me about her."

Rachel smiled, facing Billie as well. "Tell you about her? How can I..." she paused to think as she crossed her arms. "Um... how can I tell you about her?"

"I don't know, you just... pick somewhere and start, and keep going." Billie said.

_Why does she want to know_? Rachel thought. "You wanna know about my mom?" she asked.

Billie nodded with a small shrug, "Mhm."

"Okay," Rachel bit her lip as she thought. "She... uh..." she felt tears starting to come, and she quickly looked down. "She drove a... blue Volvo station wagon."

_The same you drive_ , Billie thought.

Rachel looked back up at Billie with a sad smile. "And she... always listened to the oldies. Um..."

_Just like you._

"She was an actress. She did this... this big movie when she was younger, and then... and then she had me. It was just the... it was just the two of us." She explained. "And the acting wasn't... wasn't enough for two, so she had to get a real job. Um..." she tried to think of better things to say since Billie seemed genuinely interested. "And then, when I got old enough, she... she started doing plays after work. And..." it was getting harder to talk as a knot formed in her throat.

_Fuck..._ Billie thought. _I don't want her to cry._

"And I would go... I would go watch them. And there was this, um— There was this one play that she did, I completely forgot that I was... watching my mother. I was just... I was just watching this... this woman. And all the other people on stage were... they were men, and they were... they were all terrible." She laughed and smiled, which made Billie smile.

_I love that smile._

"She was just... holding them all... together." Her voice broke with the last word. "Holding them... holding them up. And then this, um... one of the guys had this line that makes her..." tears started falling down her cheeks as she saw the scene in her head like she was watching it all over again. "That makes her character laugh, and..." she sighed as it got harder and harder to talk. She shook her head as she tried to hold her emotions back, smiling at the memory. "And then there she was."

Billie watched as her teachers started crying, covering her face with her hands. She placed her hand on Miss Stevens' back, gently rubbing, praying that it wouldn't backfire on her.

As Rachel started to sob, Billie's arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer, and she instantly melted into the embrace. Her head rested on the girl's shoulder as she cried harder. It felt so good to be held, to be held in someone's embrace who cared. She pulled back, feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions, one of them telling her that she shouldn't be crying in her student's arms. But, when she looked into Billie's soft brown eyes, the thought disappeared, and comfort set in. For a moment, they stood there, just looking at each other. Billie didn't know what came over her, but she pressed her lips to Rachel's softly. She could feel Miss Stevens kissing her back, but then pulled away, and pushed her away.

"Y-you have to go... you have to go..." Rachel said as she wiped her face of her tears.

_Fuck... fuck... fuck..._ repeated over and over in Billie's head as she stared at her teacher.

"You have to go." Rachel said again.

"What are you talking about?" Billie asked.

Rachel cupped the girl's cheeks. "You have to go, Billie. You have to go."

"What are you talking about?" she asked again.

"It's time to go."

"What?"

"Come on, you have to go." Rachel said as she patted the girl's back.

Billie turned toward the entrance to the hotel room with a confused look on her face.

"Billie..."

"What? What?" the girl asked as she turned back around. 

Rachel felt more tears coming now. She could tell she had hurt the girl's feelings. "I need you to go. Come on." She said as she turned Billie back toward the room. "Come on."

"Why?"

"Billie, please. Go to your room. Come on." Rachel said.

Billie just stared at her teacher. "Why?"

Rachel shook her head as she started pushing the girl toward the door.

"Why are you making me go?" Billie asked as she turned back around.

_We both know why..._ Rachel thought. "Billie, please."

A soft knock at the door came, and Rachel panicked. The knock turned into a pounding, and they both looked toward the door.

Rachel wiped her cheeks again. "Uh, yeah?" she yelled.

"Miss Stevens," Sam yelled from the other side.

_Fucking, Sam..._ Billie thought as she groaned.

"Miss Stevens," Sam said again.

Rachel sighed as she looked down. When she saw that she was still in the teen's jacket she quickly took it off and handed it to Billie before going to the door. She wiped her eyes before opening the door.

"I don't know where Billie—" Sam said but stopped when he saw his friend inside the room.

"Hi, Sam," Billie said.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

Billie thought of a lie. "I locked myself out of the room again." She said. "I couldn't find you or Margot, and I was too embarrassed to go downstairs and ask for a new key _again_. So... Miss Stevens is holding me up. But I was just on my way back. What's up?"

"Can I come in?" Sam asked, but without getting an answer, he walked in anyway. "The boy I met, the one I've been texting..."

Neither Rachel or Billie were really listening to him.

Rachel looked down at the floor, greatly relieved that Billie lied about why she was with her. She shut the door, and looked at Billie for a moment, soon passing the girl to go over to Sam. As she tried to catch up with what her student was saying, there's another knock at the door.

"Miss Stevens," Margot said from the other side.

Rachel sighed, _Why can't they leave me alone...?_

Billie opened the door, and Margot looked at her with wide eyes for a moment. "Oh. Hi, Billie... is Sam?"

"I'm in here," Sam said.

"Why did you leave?" Margot asked Sam.

Rachel looked back at Billie as she walked out of the room. She let out a sigh before sitting beside her other students. _I fucked up this time..._

 


	8. Competition

The morning was quiet and dull for everyone.

Billie had been crying all morning, which was perfect for the part that she was going to play for the competition. Her eyes were red and puffy, cheeks were already stained with tears, it was perfect, almost to perfect. The judges read her sadness and shaky voice as good acting when it was her real feelings coming through.

From the audience, Rachel sat and watched every second, not taking her eyes off the girl. She had shed a few more tears after everyone left her room the night before, but her eyes didn't tell that. She was good at hiding her emotions. She always was. It was a specialty of hers, one that really wasn't a good thing.

She did think though, _Billie did great... even if she did cry... so good that even I cried._

After the performances were over, everyone was given time to take a break while the judges discussed the results between each other.

While this happened, Rachel searched for Billie. She wanted to tell her how well she thought she did, and to make sure she was okay after last night. She knew what she did and said wasn't appropriate in any way. She had to explain that.

As she walked through the lobby, she felt a tap on her back and turned to see Billie. "Billie, you were amazing."

Billie shook her head.

"You... Billie..." before Rachel could say anything else, the girl grabbed her hand and dragged her through the crowd. "What? Hey, hey."

Billie opened the door to the stage room, and Rachel looked at the judges with an apologetic smile.

"Billie!" she whispered before they went into another room, the door slamming behind them. "Hey! What was that?" she asked.

Billie looked down at the floor as she fidgeted around. "I'm nervous."

 _She did all that because... because she's nervous?_ Rachel thought to herself before looking at her student again. "What?"

"I told you I would tell you when I was nervous," Billie explained. "I'm nervous."

Rachel looked at the girl for a moment. "Billie..."

"You know what I was thinking up there today?" the girl proceeded. "I wasn't thinking about, you know, how well I was doing, or how much I wanted to win. I was thinking about how even though you were trying to hide it last night, I could see that you were sad."

 _Oh, God..._ Rachel thought. _She's still on this..._

"And I knew how to make you happy," Billie explained. "And then you asked me to leave. I don't know why you asked me to leave."

 _I really don't know why you asked me to leave_ , she thought before continuing.

"You were sad again and I knew how to fix it."

"No, Billie, you can't—" Rachel said before Billie yelled:

"Yes, I can!"

"Fix it!" she finished.

 _Why doesn't she understand?!_ Billie wondered.

"Until a week ago, I was on some pretty serious medication, right?"

Rachel nodded softly. _Wait... did she just say "until"?_

"I was saying, look— I'm saying, I'm sad, too, Rachel. But the pills I take to make me not sad, they make me feel nothing. All right? Those are my options. Sad or numb. So, I stopped taking them, and I didn't tell anyone. A-an-and I was scared. And I thought I was gonna go— Crazy or something. But I didn't! I feel great! Rachel, I feel, like, alive. Like I could just..." Billie explained with enthusiasm, jumping up and down as she tried to explain how she felt.

 _She's going insane..._ Rachel thought for a second. _She's manic, seriously manic._ "Do I need to call someone?" she asked.

"What?" Billie asked as she looked at Rachel like she was the insane one. _She doesn't understand._

"Do I need to call someone?" she asked again.

 _She doesn't get it..._ Billie thought. "That's why you don't wanna be with me, isn't it?"

 _You're my student, that's why._ Rachel answered in her head.

"It's 'cause you— You don't realize. You're messed up too, Rachel."

 _What the fuck?_ "Hey," Rachel started before being cut off again.

"I know you think 'cause you have a job and an apartment, that you're fine, but you're not fine. And—"

Rachel shook her head. She was in disbelief that Billie was saying this to her. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and started looking for the principal's number.

Billie chuckles as she shook her head. "Go ahead. Call someone. Go ahead."

Rachel looked up, "You know, under normal circumstances, I would walk away right now." She said harshly. _But_ _I care about you._

"'Normal circumstances'?" Billie asked.

"Yes. But I am— I am your teacher. So, I have to stay here. I have to call someone, and I have to tell them what is going on." Rachel explained as she felt tears starting to form.

Billie just stared at her teacher for a moment. "What's going on?"

Rachel sighed, she knew she wasn't going to get her point through. "All I know is that I... I can't walk away from you right now." She explained.

Billie looked around for a second. "Then I will." She said before stuffing her hands in her pockets and leaving the room. _I can't believe that._

 _What... what do I do?_ Rachel asked herself as she wiped her tears and sniffled back anymore before they could come. She looked back down at her phone and decided to call her boss. She started pacing around the room as she cleared her throat. When she got the answering machine, she sighed.

"Hi. It's, uh... it's Rachel. It's Miss Stevens. Um... I— The— The thing that you wanted me to call you about with Billie. With, uh— With Billie Mitman. I'm, uh... I'm feeling a little... worried about her. So, I'm calling. Call me back. So, call me back, please." With that, she hung up and sighed again. "Shit," she mumbled to herself.

Rachel looked for another way out and spotted a door near the back. As she stepped outside, she spotted Walter and quickly turned back around. She didn't want to see him, let alone talk to him.

"Hey," Walter said.

She tried to open the door, only to find that it was locked. _Fuck._

"Hey, come on."

She sighed before turning back around to look at him.

"You need air?" Walter asked. "I got air."

Rachel rolled her eyes before walking over to him. She saw that he had a cigarette. "Do you have another?"

He handed one over and lit it for her. She took in a deep drag before crossing her arms.

"They just... take over, you know?"

"Yeah, I've been trying to quit my whole life," Walter said.

She looked at him for a moment. "Kids." She clarified.

"I actually find cigarettes to be more difficult." He said.

Rachel looked down as she flicked the ash from her cigarette. "Being a teacher is difficult." She said. _Especially when your student is in love with you._

"Everybody says that. But really, it's not."

She took another drag, soon turning to face him. "Excuse me?"

"You know how a teacher like me has been around so long?"

"No, Walter, I don't." Rachel said with slight annoyance in her voice.

"Well... It's because I don't get involved."

"Yeah?" she laughed sarcastically. "Well, that will only work at your shitty school."

"No, let me finish," Walter said. "I care a lot about my job. And I'm pretty good at it. I care that my students succeed. That they graduate. The outside. Tell you what, I don't care about is the inside. Their... silly little lives. That's the stuff that makes people think that it's hard. 'Cause that stuff is hard. You gotta stay outside." He explained.

As Rachel listened she continued to smoke the cigarette, and then looked at him. "How do you stay outside when something— I mean, these kids, are right there in front of you."

"I have my own," Walter said.

 _He has kids, too? That's great..._ "You have kids?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah." He nodded.

 _Great. I fucked a married man... who's a father, too_. Rachel thought as she finished off her cigarette. "We should go back inside. They're gonna announce the award soon."

"You go ahead. I'm going to finish this." Walter said.

Rachel made her way back to the lobby and looked for Billie again. _I have to talk to her._ After not spotting her, she made her way to the hallway, and up to the floor where they were staying. She went to the door of Billie and Margot's room, knocking on it at least five times. "Billie?" no answer. "Margot?" When she didn't get an answer, she decided to make her way back downstairs. She saw that the awards were just starting and headed back into the room.

Just as she walked into the darkened room, her phone started to ring, and she saw it was her boss. She declined the call and made her way back to her seat. She looked over to see Billie three seats away, on the other side of Sam. She bit her lip as she looked at the girl, and then back to the stage as the girl who won third place walked up.

"In second place, Billie Mitman." The woman announced.

Without thinking, Rachel stood, cheering. Margot and Sam followed suit as they looked at Billie.

 _She did great_ , Rachel thought to herself, smiling as she watched Billie walk up to the stage.

As the girl stepped up to the stage, she smiled, taking the trophy. She looked out, seeing Miss Stevens, and felt her smile drop. _If she cared so much to cheer, then why did she make me leave? Why does she care, and not show it?_

As everyone cheered still, they stared at each other, like no one else was there.


End file.
